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| Colin brandishes feedback reference no. 1337 4406 |
(The author returns from the Midlands, where he was promised a refund for a family visit to Alton Towers subsequent to a power-cut from the get-go that meant none of the rides for which it is infamous ~ mainly for people losing limbs ~ were operating.)
Sam (full name follows) in 'Guest Services' did promise a full refund of the £299 involved, raising the issue on his tablet and ensuring its content was communicated through the usual channels during a time of heightened tensions.
Accordingly I am able to reassure the readership with a message of optimism for a beleaguered nation:
My good friends, this is the second time in our history that there has come back from the Midlands... peace with honour. I believe it is peace for our time.
There are only two things I want to say. Firstly I have received an immense number of emails ~ most of them spam ~ and wish to thank the people of Britain for what they have done.
And next I want to say that the settlement I have received from Herr Sam is only part of a wider settlement in which all Staffordshire can find peace.
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| The full text of the agreement issued 24th May 2026 at 11:42 |
