The value of a patent these days is debatable: one of my flying studes in London did act on behalf of the builder who invented the ratcheted silicone gun back in the day and would travel to China ~ where practically all were manufactured ~ in an effort to enforce the patent. Told me they'd go to court and the factory would close down and be up and running farther down the street a day or two later. US did the same to the UK circa 250 years ago, but the good news is we'll be able to do the same to China in due time, if indeed there are any factory buildings left either here or there.
But there was a time I'd be up all night feverishly drafting patents, and beside this I have to admit that Professor Pat Pending was my favourite Wacky Racer as a child.
Normally you don't share the content of an application or 'spec' but we're a caring, sharing community here at the blog and besides, you don't know whether I have filed any 'divisionals' which describe supplementary secret squirrels... so do you feel lucky, punk?
But print it off and let's treat it as a young person's guide to the patent process. It does have its uses, as King James I said when his courtiers patented the idea. For instance the 'Dragons' on the BBC's programme ~ for which I auditioned years ago ~ put undue value on one, which is surprising in view of the fact none of them know jack-shit about design or engineering. In fact as often as not patents work to inhibit the spread of good ideas, which is kind of the opposite of what was intended.
Anyhow, quiet at the back please, and turn to your printouts:
First off we've to establish what it is we're trying to invent in simple terms, which is why I've described it as a flat-packed watercraft. Reasonable?
Then we've to say why everything else out there is fairly useless, and how ours is set to change the world of boating for ever and ever.
Then there is a big-picture paragraph describing what we intend to do with it, and as an agent once told me, you want to add as much as you can think of in reason, which is why I've thrown in that casual reference ~ as might Superman ~ to notions that it might fly too. Keen followers of my work will recall that was something we'd have loved for flat-cat version 1.0, which was much the same as this albeit without wiiings.
Now we turn to the diagram or diagrams with which we shall flesh out the invention.
I have to admit at this point that the 'drawing' as they call it is literally sketchy, but that does not matter unduly for three reasons. Firstly if they don't like it (and as it's an online process and staff will have been cut to the bone, they likely won't even be looking) then they will tell you, and secondly we can re-file a duplicate with a better drawing altogether and claiming 'priority' from this one. Thirdly a lot of nutters out there file patent applications, and theirs are even worse, believe me.
The way I have always done this is old school viz. I build a model, take a photo of it and send it to a nice man who used to be in Birmingham to get it suitably rendered. Actually he's married a Latvian and now lives there, where they insist on business being done against a registered VAT (sales tax) account... which involves me paying a mate of mine with a company and transferring the cash. This is the reason Gen Z are unlikely to bother when video-streaming's out there.
Now you can only patent one aspect or single invention at a time and a basic outline does not cut it, firstly because we've disclosed such methods to the world online and secondly because the examiner is likely to point out it's not that unique, if all things are taken into account.
This is where we have literally to be inventive and what I have done is to suggest the boat is not simply flat-packed, but also foldable or collapsible when not in use; and I've left absent whether the two halves might be separate too or whether the upper parts remain intact during the process. Technically each side is not 'handed' and could be used for either side, which is an argument for them being independent so that if one gets pranged, you could substitute a spare.
If you think of things subs, incidentally, you can post a 'technical disclosure' online that renders them public and would invalidate any competitive patent. It was too an idea originated in the UK, adopted vigorously by the likes of IBM subsequent. There is a long-established company that charges for it, but you can do it for free at the Digital Commons... who send you a monthly round-up of the number of downloads each submission has enjoyed.
Essentially the description as revealed in the text associated with the diagrams is a step-by-step account of how practically such a thing can be built, and this may have to be demonstrated in court as patents are technically legal documents. This would be a great day out for the blog and one giant leap for blog-kind, but quite unlikely.
What we're trying to do here essentially is to deconstruct the idea of boats at a time when it is in many ways overdue. As the author of On Walden Pond pointed out though it is fine building a castle in the air, but at some stage we've to get out there and get our hands dirty, or wet.
I hope though you've enjoyed this literary excursion and that it put you off for good, however?
The fact we've filed on Jul 1st though means it's an easy date to remember, seeing as it's the start of the second half of the year. We needn't do much until nearer the anniversary, or spend any money and even then we can file an international patent providing six months further grace.
By then tho' I'll have invited you all in, and been jailed for illegal share-trading.
Ed. No charge for illustrations: the digital honesty box on our merch page set to process $100.
