Saturday, April 11, 2026

Re: Bar


The bar abuts a couple of angle-brackets and is secured with a screw from topside.

Ideally, viewed from the rear and left to right ~ AC/DC a prompt ~ propellers rotate anti-clockwise and clockwise.

In theory this means that if more power is applied to the port motor then the torque reaction will unload that same ski and produce more drag on the opposite, assisting a turn to starboard.

May or may not be the case, but as Tesco supermarket says: every little helps?

The speed-controllers may yet be mounted on the bar instead of the superstructure, but that's a story for another day, isn't it?

Good-night everybody!

Being pushers I've paid less attention to securing the motors, which are more likely to stay in place than when pulling the craft. I knew a man who took off in an aircraft called an ARV, whose propeller parted company soon afterward.

Bar Flies


With the bar centralised at the rear of the boat, I've marked the places where those mighty three-millimetre bolts will be craned into place in support of the motors. The best way to do this is to 3-D render and subsequently print a pattern from T-motor technical drawings, but I used guesswork, wood and a bradawl called Brad Pitt.

The larger recess is to allow for the axle of the motor, which T-motor has extended to the rear by a mil or two for the same reason Bosch fits push-buttons to coffee-makers... that life sucks.

Barring Accidents


As the eyes of the world turn back toward the first prototype, briefly distracted by the other moonshot, we remind ourselves that this is the one to validate the planing on water rather than hovering above it as people sometimes do on operating tables.

You'll recall that although I'm a man who loves to see an electrical motor parked at the rear of a boom, it appears altogether better placed on a bar spanning the width of the craft and more.

We had a competition to choose the ideal name for it, and despite my suggestions viz. sound-bar, power-bank, common-rail the winning entry went to 'piece of wood' which I view as repeating the effort to call the Sir David Attenborough 'Boaty McBoatface' by common consent.

There are many and various reasons however for mounting the motors on one such bar, some of which will be familiar to Airbus and some ~ like the craft having to fit through a doorway ~ are less likely to be.

These are as follows:

(1) Greater flexibility on the number and size of motors and propellers fitted thereto

(2) Easily removable for testing, transport, maintenance and storage

(3) Able to be set on the window-ledge on a pair of stands like a Ninja's sword

(4) It marks the extent of the propellers, which are barely visible once spinning

(5) It protects the propellers from inadvertent damage going (literally) forwards

(6) It allows for the easiest possible fitment of each motor back-plate to the bar

(7) It allows different 'rigs' to be swapped out to suit various operational needs

Not least it means the boat can be stood upright so its foot-print is minimised... something IKEA have told me is a must-have beside it doubling as a clothes-drier.

The bar itself is half the length of the 21x21x2400mm timber itself, which is likely to give you a warm feeling inside as it did me.

Bring it on!

Ed. Technically, put it on?

Space, the Final IKEA.


Open the staff suggestion-box and beside the many that read 'fuck you' is one that recommends removing the dining-table from Assembly Hall #2; weekends involving maritime drones instead of feeding ingrates.

Delighted to discover it was me who popped this one in the box, and do not hesitate  to make myself 'Employee of the Month' for April... which comes with a dough-nut.

Kofi Anon


Many of you recall my trials with the coffee-machine, and my efforts to sue George Clooney for mis-representing the ease with which it turns a pod into a latte.

Long story short, it had a push-button on the side that turned green when the (Bosch) machine was good to go... except the switch failed in short order.

I tried and failed to circumvent this by liberating the switch with an angle-grinder in an effort to hard-wire it, but this did nothing for the machine's looks and less for its operation.

Enter DeLonghi's replacement and it's a joy to use... slide the pod-tray back and the light on the side illuminates red and then when ready, green.

Then flick the switch and before you know it you've emailed Clooney's people to say you're sorry for suggesting he pop his pods up his ass!

Arty... mis


A former habitué of their facility at Ames in California, I am indebted to NASA for this most spectacular image of the far side of the Moon.

Ed. He's also indebted to Google for generating dirty pictures.

Levelling With You

Having assembled the quad ready for wiring, I contact he who last wired, tuned and flew the last drone (which took the form of a sort of phone-booth levitated by quads top and bottom ~ so technically an octo). The good news is he'd love to, albeit that could be interpreted as a brush-off, but he's booked into June. Much of that will be aerial filming or survey; an increasing element likely related to ongoing experiments with cargo or military drones under development.

This is basically because there is too little expertise to go around in the UK, where it is almost exclusively drawn from radio-control hobbyists who ~ once seen as nerds ~ find themselves to be masters of the universe. One such master for instance films  Heathcliff riding atop the moors on his stallion in the 2026 version of the tale. You'll find that he was provided by the Helicopter Girls, whom I've met in passing, and if you look at their website you'll realise where the money lies: in entertainment, with war moving up rapidly on the outside though less so in places like the UK.

But although this plunged me into the Slough of Despond (now known as the Slough of Berkshire), I've a cunning plan. For thinking about this, there is actually nothing special about a boat that can fly like a drone, per se. In fact two German brothers famously managed to fit motors to a bath-tub and fly down the street in it 'til wings were clipped by the Polizei... and in fact they could technically claim to have flown the world's first self-launching boat. Only problem being, not much of a boat really.

It had occurred to me however that all that we have to achieve is getting the cat off the ground, where it can be steered from land to water by the rear-mounted cruise motors. This is at the same time sub-optimal, but again eminently practical because as we've seen hereabouts and not least in Morecambe Bay or the Mersey Estuary, we've very large stretches of sand from whence to manoeuvre from the dry to wet.

The only problem being that whereas quads can be flown with pinpoint accuracy from A to B, like off the back of a flat-bed over the levee and into the river, what will effectively be a hovercraft requires much more of a launch-pad in view of the fact the lift-motors will be providing for elevation... but not direction.

In the days when people experimented with vehicles instead of buying jelly-mould EVs from China because it is altogether easier, there was a move to get us all in a personal hovercraft in order to travel from the suburbs into work. The problem was, it turned out, was that hovercraft (and uncommanded quads) find their own level in ground-effect; but that applied to levels that sloped. That, incidentally, something roads have done since Roman times so as not to get flooded.

Accordingly, hovercraft merely slid off the side of the road from the get-go. Back to the cat with four uncommanded lift motors, however, the last time I checked both sea and foreshore were flat and this means there is altogether less of an issue?

The few remaining nations using the hovercraft in anger include the US, China and Russia. Canadians use them as ice-breakers to clear the St Lawrence and perhaps predictably, we use them to travel to the Isle of Wight for a plate of fish and chips... guilty, m' lord.

Nonetheless with the LCAC appearing below (and that's Landing Craft, Air Cushion am guessing the way military inventory is listed backwards to sort alphabetically), the US claims that only 15% of the world's coastlines are accessible by conventional landing craft: as against 70% using the LCAC. I'd like to make that 100% with the drone, but Rome wasn't built in a day, was it Gromit?

Thing to note about the LCAC is they are using, beside the cruise fans and rudders at the rear, exhaust efflux that can be directed by swivelling those outlets out front. These act in much the way that side-thrusters do on ships, in providing a modicum of control ~ when compared to a drone ~ when it comes to moving sideways and arresting for instance that tendency to roll virtually down slopes.

So your mission, Colin, should you choose to accept it is to get the lift-motors acting to produce identical measures of thrust in order to get the cat off the ground, from whence it can be steered toward the sea and back following successful splash-down.

This blog will self-destruct in ten seconds.