All Alien to Me

A bag of shite

Loathe to go on about how things were better, but is it just me that feels UFOs are not what they were? They either look like fast-moving mints, or a bin-liner like the one here... whereas in my childhood we had proper ones with windows and stuff like the one below.

I understand NASA is trying to make first contact, and if it were coming from me then frankly it would be 'That the best you can do? Looks like a bag of shite.'

Ed. I had no part in this. I come in peace. Take me to your tire-fitter.

Aliens you'd be honoured to be abducted by and dissected

I Think, Therefore I Scam?

Went to load the 'blog on the phone and inadvertently searched the URL, and way up there in the rankings is a feeling among the populace that I might not be real or else an AI fiction.

So I took a needle and stuck it in the back of my hand, because there was a guy on the radio singing about how he'd hurt himself to see if he still felt, as it was the only thing that was real.*

So it was in a moment of madness I realised that it ranks ~ like me in work-clothes ~ for the simple reason that people are emailing links with cover notes like 'I think legal will need to see this' and that sensibly, recipients do not open the link for a fear of being Rick-rolled.

I'm delighted tho' to see the good people at scamadviser are giving me a ringing endorsement!

Not only are you reading Britain's best-loved blog, but an institution credited for its legitimacy and reliability in a way that was only last matched by the Tudor dynasty.

Thank you... leave this place today knowing you are blessed.

* Ed. He took it from a kitchen-drawer and put it back again, the way he'd look over the edge of a multi-storey and promise to do it next week instead... and this is the guy you all worship?

WIZZAIR: the Apology

Earlier today I posted to suggest the hamster in the advertisement faced the wrong way on the wheel, and asked ChatGPT to amend... which we can all agree, it made a great job of:

I now realise the hamster is in fact attempting to escape the wheel in order to book a flight with the airline.

Nonetheless I discovered it prohibits hamsters from flying on whichever route, and thus Hilton equalises from the edge of the box in the dying moments of this post:

Ed. Get a life.

Kit Cat #11

Bit of a mismatch at the prow between the height of each boom. Only amounts to a half-inch or so and something Boeing would surely sign off, but it offends my pride.

With a jig and better materials it would likely be brought within an acceptable range but here I went on to drive a dome-headed screw into the end of each boom so that a rubber band could be stretched between them.

This ameliorates the issue, and as you can see from the pilot-eye view it's not really a game-stopper.

Kit Cat #10

Backer-board used as a foot-well, which like the parcel-shelf subs for a wing-box.

Kit Cat #9

Single width of backer-board used as a parcel-shelf or battery-bay at the rear; while also stiffening the centre-section. There is no charge for storing a cabin-bag here.

A Word from the Author

The stats are in, and I can now confirm a total of 118,180 views for the month. If I have to be honest, it is down to a general loathing of humanity that we all share. My aim in all of this is simple. If during that time in the office when you're pretending to work over a cappuccino you piss yourself laughing so the boss is more inclined to let you go... then I've served my purpose.

Martin Parr's iconic portrait taken when the camera fell over