Control Console

Am trying to keep this as professional as possible, whilst at the same time lying in bed and idly wondering how we'll power this thing up and in the right direction. This then is the first (and as yet only) page of a pilot operating handbook you're going to need to study for the examinations.

The transmitter (TX) is inherited from days when I got intelligent people to fly the multicopters of my own design and for our purposes it's horrendously complicated. Accordingly in the manual unnecessary controls or switches appear as 'BOLLOCKS'.

For a while my committee considered one of those transmitters dedicated to RC cars and tanks ~ some of which come with a scale Pete Hegseth ~ but in the end that involved spending money that could be used to better effect on Harveys Golden Ale. It does however offer a 'standby' means of operation viz. push right lever forward to go left and vice-versa. Accordingly it may be used for manual reversion with its own checklist to be treated as a memory item.

For flying boats a question is whether to use maritime or aeronautical terminology, but to avoid excessive use of 'Aharrrs' in the text I went for aeronautical. We've also called the steering control a tiller because it is more akin to steering an airliner on the ground than in the air.

As things stand the joystick appears on the right, as you'll join subject to successful interview as First Officer. Once you've accumulated sufficient hours on type you will be expected to transition to captain if we're convinced that you can shout at people. Details of the upgrade course appear on our merch page and though it costs around £50,000 it does include pot noodles.

Finally note that the 'slider' is tucked around the underside and is duplicated to left and right*. In the fulness of time this will energise four lift-motors and thus act as a virtual 'collective' pitch control that rotary pilots will feel immediately at home with. Separate conversion courses are available for helicopter pilots and include a module on how to stop killing celebrities.

* And marked HOVER for stupid people.

Flat White

I can only apologise to readers, for over the Bank Holiday (work in banking and you need it) I have set building the cat to one side in order to make use of bits of IKEA furniture lying around and in the best possible way viz. without recourse to money.

This one I'm quite proud of, work on flat-pack maritime drones a natural fit with the things IKEA do over in Warrington. It's made up of those draws that are designed to slide under their beds, chopped up and slotted into their cheapest coffee-table.

I've left it unpainted to show you how I've done it, and you can clearly see leftover timber from the pontoons used here as a touch of light trim.

I posted the pic to IKEA for consideration prior them featuring it on their website, and appended the following text to expedite this easiest of decisions on a Monday.

My email address has been removed under the blog's safeguarding policy.

Good morning. I too head up a flat-pack concern, and envision a 'collab' once my flat-pack boat comes in... or out. My own work led organically to 'hacks' of your own and what you see here combines coffee-table and under-bed drawers, in the black-brown the nation has come to love. I note you use five-letter monikers for product, and this one is called VULVA because you haven't used it yet. You'll be aware that companies like Mercedes use specialist 'tuners' like AMG, and I see a future in which 'CSH' versions are aimed at the more discerning buyer? Keep Calm and Carry Out, 

Colin H.

Notes on Departure

Inevitably my own thoughts turn to death on this holy day, and our blog-readers have been asking how I would wish to be commemorated?

Well there's a new 'boil-in-the-bag' alternative to cremation here in the British Isles: I'm lovin' the idea of being poached, flash-fried and served with wings and 'slaw.

Alternatively these 'living funerals' are catching on, where both of your friends party whilst you lie in a coffin in the corner on a Sambuca drip.

But most of all I have let my nearest and dearest (the pizza-delivery guy) know that I would like to be consumed in a funeral pyre that is floated down the Ganges on a flat-pack catamaran.

Ed. Apologies to any Hindus reading, we should point out that he offends all the others too.

Karl

Modern dance aficionado, plumber, fellow Euros-watcher, Les Dawson lookalike and someone who'd drop everything to lend a hand... rest in peace.

 

Fifth Estate?

Another effort at airplanes that fly at sea-level and this in the shape of a two-metre prototype from Sail'n'Fly, an outfit in France that comprises naval and aeronautical expertise among its founding fathers. We wish them Godspeed as previous attempts at this sort of thing have invariably led to a crash that wiped out the build and took the investors and cash with it.

Regent in the US too has experienced crashes, but of the sort less likely nowadays to dent the confidence of inventors and investors. The difference is threefold, being (a) the world is awash with capital looking for a home (b) electric motors are wholly more user-friendly for prototyping and (c) processing power allows aircraft to draw on artificial means to stabilise flight just above the surface to maximum effect.

As good a description as any of the state of the ground-effect nation appears on the Regent website, and drafted by its CEO...

https://www.regentcraft.com/news/how-the-seaglider-wing-is-different-from-the-ekranoplan-wing

...and what he points out is that until now there have been three principal types of WIG or wing-in-ground-effect. The crux of his argument is that as aircraft approach the surface the downwash flattens out and reduces the effectiveness of the tailplane so that the nose drives into the ground, or water. Efforts to ameliorate this so as to fly in ground-effect unperturbed included a very long tail (at left) as exemplified by the Soviets, at the expense of a deal of extra weight.

The next (at centre) includes a wing optimised for flight near the sea, though this is of those types that keep catching a wing-tip and crashing: GAME OVER.

The third (at right) was pioneered by Flarecraft but like hydroplanes only worked at all well on rivers or inland waters and thus died a death ~ though is being electrified as are so many others as I write and you, dear reader, read.

Billy, not to be confused with an IKEA bookcase, says the problem with these wings is that they are so inefficient as to neutralise the efficiency gains of flight in ground-effect. I'd argue that is only half the point, the other being to avoid the deadening touch of the regulators... which like that of the reaper leads to instant death.

He goes on to write how Regent have effectively invented a fourth means of flight in ground-effect, viz. a conventional aerodynamic wing of great efficiency with a way of computerising its flight at a safe remove, from which it will still benefit from gains expected of WIGs. If you're a financial analyst, put that in your PowerPoint and bow to my effigy later.

You and I, dear reader, might add a fifth and historic means of stabilising flight by watercraft (moreso than 'aircraft') above the surface with our own dear cat, if only we could get out of our pyjamas of a morning.

Hold that thought, and fetch yourself another croissant.

N...MIGHTY

We enjoyed our day out in Hereford immensely, didn't we, but there was more to it than met the eye on your laptop or stolen smart device! I was there for an open day at one of the UK's newest ~ if not the newest ~ universities, or at least something of the kind viz. NMITE or the New Model Institute for Technology and Engineering.

I must admit I cried when UMIST was incorporated in the University of Manchester proper, because it pioneered computing in the way MIT took it onward and upward with the transistor. Plus everyone wanted to go there, as they do MIT just for the initials.

The great thing about NMITE is its hands-on approach that practically guarantees a job for its graduates, beside employing and entertaining them in the best possible way whilst they are there. In fact they said that it was so much like having started work already that the transition was seamless; although it was then that I recalled how I went to university to avoid work for so long as it was humanly possible.

A less great thing about NMITE is that looking at it you would think that it would be pronounced 'enmity', which is the last thing you'd want of a seat of learning. At the same time, the last new 'model' anything we had here was Cromwell's New Model Army in less happy times. I'd prefer MITEN, pronounced 'mitten', with its warm and comforting connotations albeit with an 'N' on the end that would have to stand for something like Nanoscience?

I offer this consultancy on branding wholly gratis, incidentally, in support of student welfare and along with a suggested logo that I stole from Google's Images:

Highlight of the day for me however, beside the buffet lunch, was not so much the talk on drone autonomy ~ although that was epic ~ as the out-of-town campus that is called the CATT or Centre for Advanced Timber Technology. Architects are doing amazing things with wood when it comes to building and in my dream world I, much like the Flintstones, would live in an all-wood house with a decking driveway for our wooden drone.

It was great to get down and dirty discussing various aspects of expanded foams of one sort or another. Amongst all of this was the model seen up top, advertising the best possible use of such materials for insulation. May I take you by your mitten to discuss elements of these? (Am minded in fact of that episode where Alan Partridge interviews a lady in a lesbian relationship who works as a dry-stone waller and thus he opens with 'Let's talk dry-stone walls...').

Well down there at the base you've doubtless a foamed concrete that is lighter and more eco-minded than ever and it's topped with a membrane and our old favourite polyurethane or PU, which I've been intimately associated with in the past, having used it for boat-building.

PU's open-celled version is not to be used for boats, principally because it soaks up water faster than the Titanic and so is used for flower arranging. I used a closed-cell version supplied by Trident Foams for a boat that I built in Southampton to feature at a defence awards ceremony in London, before being trailered to Glasgow where I flew for a travel company.

What physical dimension do foams work best in? Yes! Compression, and in this role they are even used as the basis for off-ramps on highways in the US.

Moving on, the next layer looks like more of the same, but what is that around the corner stuck to the wall? Nothing less than EPS, our old friend Extruded Polystyrene that we use to build the flat-cat, albeit with a scrim of cement over a Kevlar matrix! 

Inside the cavity-wall though is what looks like a natural fibre or mineral wool type of insulation that I cannot be sure about without a touch and a lick, which is something nerds like me do with foam instead of women.

My favourite cavity-wall insulation ~ I know you've one too ~ has to be Rockwool, a brand so called because it's wool made of rock. This I know as I used to collect the product from a plant in North Wales, where they decant rocks into a furnace to be spun like candy-cotton: a process originated in North America but commercialised in Denmark by Finn Henriksen and the Kahler family, who for years were up there with the Osmonds.

If you wish to know more about cavity-wall insulation there is always my TED talk, available exclusively on vinyl with a complementary tee-shirt on our merch pages.

Linked Out

(Very) occasionally people search my LinkedIn profile and as yet, this is all there is: my profile picture. As anyone on YouTube may have noticed, I'm not that big on the socials... being barely interested in my own life, let alone any other.

Did once put a CV up there, detailing all of those posts from which I'd been fired or all of those colleagues I'd punched or spat on, but then everyone started to do it thinking they were clever-clever and so I took it down. Imitation, as Oscar said, the purest form of flattery.

And now I must go and check the football results...