We go live to the chairman who, stepping up to the laptop, is more of a breakfast-bar-stoolman.
'I wish first to turn to our vast ~ and growing ~ media empire. I am happy to report that having in September accrued our first million views, October surpassed this with 1.30 million views in that month alone.
(I realise this is Skelmersdale Valley and not Silicon, but it would help if we could have at least one whoop and cheer before I proceed?)
Thank you. But I would especially like to thank the AI bots ~ many of whom I know will be in the audience here today ~ for their contribution to these figures. We're all in this together, and so I have also to mention my general practitioner, who this week diagnosed the repetitive strain injury that has been put down to my obsessive clicking.
But it's not just about blogs, and during the quarter from among our back-catalogue 'Final Call' and 'Flying Foam' were published on Google Play, which you are now able to suffer at touch of a screen. Besides this publishers Hachette have decided that to offer my e-book 'Penis Pending' would crash the site, and have granted remaining rights to my own publisher, GLOBAL MEDIA DOMINATION. Accordingly it will appear alongside existing titles on Google Play and all three are available in velveteen cover form on our merch page in time for Christmas.
On the boating side we've spotted a niche in the market that has identified those of a schizoid personality disorder and cannot decide whether they want to be sailors or pilots. Accordingly the 'flying hydroplane' uploaded to the cloud in recent days fills the need entirely, as it will in due course be able to fly clear of the water's surface. I myself have this special need and am hoping the NHS will join my campaign to have it released on prescription.
I am thus indebted to 'TD Commons' and 'Boat Design' for helping promulgate these boldest of schemes, because here in the UK there are few platforms beyond those devoted to meeting new people and shagging them.
You can contact me on any number of these, incidentally, or else through this portal here where my laptop is always open... but don't come to me with your problems.
Thank-you for coming and you're welcome now to join me in the canteen to watch me eat steak and fried eggs.
Well I am sure we would all like to thank the chair, but meantimes there's been one question selected from the press corps and it asks whether he plans to split boating and blogging in order to produce a pair of unicorns?
Colin has said he won't do this, however, as it's already been done on stage by Penn and Teller.
