We go now live, now that funding has been withdrawn from the radio telescope at Jodrell Bank, to Astronomer Royal Colin Hilton's back garden for an epic view of the 65% eclipse that won't be coming this way again until 1990. Direct views of the sun are NASA's ball-park really, and so here we have bounced an image of the sun off a pair of concave make-up mirrors and onto a black-glass set of bathroom scales. Finally we view all of this through a pair of sunglasses from my Chinese neighbour, who now (as she has long suspected) thinks I'm a trannie.
The Astronomer Royal comments: 'Basically this was shit, but an excuse for tinnies in the back garden. I was in London for the 1999 full Monty: birds shut up, multiple shadows of leaves, cappuccino, nutty Danish pastry. Basically if it's not advertised as 95% or more, it's like a cunt in a BMW on high beam with a headlight out.'
* Ed. Of golden bats-piss, sadly.
