For a long life though I recommend nothing better than a Parkrun, sandwiched as it is between Belgian beers at Wetherspoon's on a Friday evening and a croissant with manchego and Serrano ham on Saturday morning. I do a local one, which follows a wooded vale fought over during the English Civil War and by Vikings beyond that.
Inside the first kilometre there's a guy behind with a Garmin that's saying "You got this! Pace is 5:06, looking good!" in a Valley accent. I'd design one to a British spec for which I provide the voice-over, and which says the following at key intervals:
1k. Give up now, you sad bastard.
2k. You got this! Oh, let me check... you haven't.
3k. You're not fit to wear the shirt mate!
4k. Miles to go, concentrate on the croissant!
5k. Look over there, isn't that a McDonalds?
In the run itself I imagine Michael Collins saying 'We're watching a masterclass here on how to run a 31:00 parkrun... if he stays tucked in behind Sawe and Kiplimo it's in the bag!" yet it's a woman pushing a stroller and a man with a Yorkshire terrier that I'm actually tucked in behind.
Being a 'stat' Sat I mail slides to staff on my time and viewership, exhorting them to 'Meet and exceed, people, meet and exceed!' whilst eating another croissant.
And who gave Parkrun permission to call me Colin?
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| Slide 1: Physical Wellbeing! |
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| Slide 2: Mental Wellbeing! |
