It's such a lovely autumnal day ~ sun shining, birds singing, not a breath of wind ~ that fresh from my gym class I say "Come on kids, let's go home and write an essay about suicide!".
But we examine all forms of transport on this blog, and we cannot overlook a dead elephant in the room in the shape of this luxurious means of travelling to the other side.
Furthermore like all of the greatest transport inventions it was inspired here in the UK by someone with 'locked in' syndrome, who could only blink in response to any stimulus. In presumably a series of blinks he contacted a man in Australia who has a history of designing suicide machines: Philip Nitschke's pod improves upon prior inventions like the Thanatron and Mercitron by not having a name that sounds like they're about to attack the Starship Enterprise.
But it's not all good news for people having an off day, as it costs £15,000 and takes a month to 3-D print and another to assemble... so don't go looking for one at IKEA any time soon!
But you know how I like a good sketch, and to my mind its stylish lines and 360-degree view of what you're about to miss are well worth a test-drive, so long as there's a happy ending.
Researching this on Google incidentally leaves you feeling suicidal even if you did not start out that way, as it keeps telling you to go away and have a cup of tea in place of dishing out the vital stats. Which it does for no other subject: I mean if you ask it the best way to cook an egg, it doesn't ask you if you won't consider sausages instead, does it?
To my mind however the Sarco's acceleration from life-to-death is not one that Elon Musk would settle for, and my thoughts turned recently to the Titan submarine. In this sarcophagus, its collapse went from 0-1500 m.p.h in two milliseconds... which puts even the latest Teslas to shame. It was painless, cremation was included, there was no time for boring speeches and it produced no environmental impact.
Way to go?
(Ed. It's also the product of a sick mind, and you can go straight to bed right now).
